Pet Peeve: When people leave voice messages on my work phone, full stop. This means I have to stare at that hideous blinking red light until I pick up the message. Which usually takes me 2.5 seconds, because I can’t stand that hideous red light. These ones are the worst of the worst:
Message from unknown member of the public:
Beep: “Joan Smith. 02 2736 12126. Thank you.”
Thank you, WHAT? Good luck getting a call back, Joan. It’s not happening. I’ve already pressed delete, and guess what, I didn't write down your number.
Message from a superior:
Beep: “Hi Alex, it’s Mark, can you give me a call back when you get this message?”
NO. What was the nature of your call, Mark? How do I know that you’re not going to ask me to do something really annoying and tedious if I call you back? Or ask me something I don't know the answer to and make me look stupid? Throw us a bone, Mark.
Message from a client:
Beep: “Hi Alex, it’s
. Just calling to let you know I just emailed you.” Beverly
NO SHIT, BEV. I mean, golly gee, thanks, BEV. I’d never have known.
Message from scatterbrained colleague:
Beep: “Alex. Client X is doing a feature in issue X to replace order number X. Ad dimensions will be X by X by X, you need to call them to get X, X and X and then send this up to X and then compile all the X, X and X under heading X.
DELETE. Have you ever heard of this new thing called email? It’s great for transmitting long, rambling messages that no one will ever listen to or CARE ABOUT AT ALL.
I don’t want to even open the can of worms that is ridiculous emails, but this has to be one of my favourites:
Email from client:
“Hi Alex. I can’t seem to find a copy of the ad you emailed me last week. Would you be able to fax me a copy?
Hmmm, that’s a puzzler, Dianne. I’ll just take a break from reading your EMAIL so I can telephone 1982 and fire up the FAX machine. That should definitely be easier than hitting reply to your email.
Once again, I hereby stake my claim as a valued member of this organisation.