Decal via Graphic Mesh

What's in a name?

When it comes to changing your name post-marriage, there are so many options: do you take his name, or keep your own? Should your husband drop his name and take yours? Should you hyphenate your surnames? Or should you combine parts of your surnames and create a whole new brand!?

It's nice to live in a society where there are options; where us girls don't automatically have to become "Mrs John Smith" (puke...) and forfeit every part of our name badge altogether.

Full disclosure: I decided to take my husband's surname because it's a decent name that matches well with mine. I have no shame. I also thought it might be easier for some things if we had a common surname (though in reality I'm sure it hardly makes a difference). I guess that taking a married name also felt like a right of passage, of sorts. I'll admit, it still feels kind of odd using it, 10 months in. I feel like I'm borrowing his family's name a bit. To ease the adjustment, I've kept my email address with my maiden name - it connects me to my roots - in a silly, electronic way.

It might sound cold, but I've never hidden the fact that if my partner had a weird surname, I would have kept my original. #vanityyay

To me though, our names don't have any bearing on our relationship.

If you're reading in Australia, it might surprise you to know (as it did me) that it's actually not that common around the world to take your spouse's surname. Actually, in many places, women don't even have the option to change your name. That makes it easy!

Interesting! But, that aside, I really wanted to start a conversation about the MS vs MRS thing.

Quite a while before my husband and I got married I decided I was going to be a 'Ms', not a 'Mrs'.

Perhaps I just feel too young at heart, and 'Mrs' is too grown up for me. I'm not even joking.

But on a serious note, part of me is a little bothered that men have the title of 'Mr' their whole lives, and that their marital status is irrelevant. But females are still cycling through Miss, Mrs and Ms - our status as singletons, marrieds or divorcees is stamped right beside our name. Ehh... why? Sure, it's rare that these titles are ever used besides on formal letters and the like, though, it's not nice to think that women might be judged or treated differently, whether in social or work situations, based on their relationship status.

Back in the day, 'Ms' was commonly used by women who were either divorced, or single and "too old" to continue being called 'Miss' (what is "too old"?!). Nowadays, Ms is becoming more common as a blanket female title - the female equivalent of Mr.

I'm not in the slightest bit bothered by others' use of 'Mrs'. This isn't high on my list of battles to tackle. This is merely a sideline nod from me, to level the playing field. Plus I've always been really independent-minded, and it feels right to retain a semi-independent title - all the while being totally committed to my lovely husband.

To me, our marriage is about showing my partner that I chose him to adventure through life with, and that I have his back through good and bad. It's about my commitment to bring little moments of joy into his life. It's about setting plans together, and edging one another along to achieve our common and individual goals. And purely about enjoying the fact that we both know we're one another's favourite person to be with. This stuff has nothing to do with our names.

My point is - a name or title doesn't change who we are, or our values. By the same token, our relationship status is only part of who we are, and doesn't completely define us. So I think you should pick a name that you feel good with, and that's all!

No comments: